Uncommon Commentary #58: The Poor Deers

In some parts of the world, mass murder, epidemics, famine, and child mortality are disturbingly common, but the worst calamity of all occurs right here in Connecticut: deer wander into people's yards to eat their plants! If my neighbors can stop wringing their hands in despair long enough to hear the word of reason, they ought to be told that this dire situation is of our elected government's own making. After all, deer, being naturally timid and wary creatures, don't want to approach human dwellings; the only reason why they do so is that they're starving. Limiting the season for hunting of them by man, while killing off or driving out most of their natural predators, has caused the cervine population to increase at the same time that the size of their habitat has dwindled, with the result that they have difficulty finding enough to eat. In my unsolicited opinion, people who use chemicals or electronic devices or whatever else to keep our antlered friends away ought to compensate either by putting out deer food (which, if in enough quantity to satiate them, will obviate their need to devour our gardens anyway) or by petitioning the State government to keep deer numbers down, by allowing hunting year-round and by reintroducing black bears, wolves, cougars, and bobcats to our woodlands. Until this is done, let's not allow ourselves to become preoccupied by trifles, but instead address a really grave concern: having to answer telephone calls during dinner!