Uncommon Commentary #160: What We Ought to Tap Is His Head, to See if There's Anything in It

Emperor Nerobama has said that he is "prepared" to tap the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to give us relief from the rising price of rock oil—the word "rock" should really be included, to distinguish this kind of oil from whale oil, olive oil, &c.—also known as petroleum.  There is, however, a reason why this source of fuel is called "Strategic": the Federal Government created it during the 1973 embargo by petroleum-producing Arab states, to make certain that there would be a way to power the USA temporarily—for about one month, at current levels of consumption—if our country should ever be denied access to foreign sources by an emergency, such as the outbreak of war versus our major suppliers of this strategic liquid.  It was not intended as a hapless chief executive's stopgap alternative to offshore drilling.